"Kitty Wants..." and Getting Our Needs Met

Yo!  So check these little guys out:

In my Children's Book Illustration class we're making children's book apps (for kindle/ipad/etc) using a program online called "TaleSpring.com"  (not to be confused with Tale Spin).  These are the characters I've made so far for my app!

I'm sorry but I think they're ADORABLE!!!  Aren't they SO cute???  :)  Aw...

Prismacolor felt tip pen and watercolor on 140 lb watercolor paper:

See?  Told you.  CUTE.

I think the story will be called "Kitty Wants..."  or "I Want" or something like that...

It's about a kitty who can't seem to get his wants/needs met.  (compliments on his tail... fishies to eat... friends to play with... cuddles...)  Finally he learns a simple, useful little tactic: asking!

Why is asking for what we want/need SO hard?  Why do we feel so much shame (shame = "I am bad") for asking for things?  Why can't we just say, "Do you like my new haircut?"  Instead of going home feeling sad nobody said anything.  That nobody listened to our great stories.  That nobody cared about our struggle at the dentist.  Usually we find out, if we ask, people are more than willing to tell us, "Oh my gosh yes I forgot to tell you but I love your haircut!"  Or, "Oh of course you can have some of my chips... I love to share."  Or, "I'd be more than happy to give you 20 minutes if you need to talk.  Give me an hour to finish this and I'm all yours!"

Or, we can be like Kitty, and keep trying to manipulate to get what we want, with our subtle hints, and sighs, and silent treatments.

The truth is people in our lives most often DO care.  We are just too afraid to make ourselves vulnerable.  Many of us "codependents" (--you can read my post listing codep. symptoms) have spent so much time somewhere in our past trying to be perfect, rescuing everyone else, meeting someone else's needs like our lives depended on it.  Being the one who needs help is foreign, some of us stopped having needs to stop the pain.  But if we don't take simple little steps to get our own needs met, and take care of ourselves, we're looking at a road of underlying sorrow, resentment, hurt, shame, loneliness, and probably wearing a pretty fake smile.

If you're like I was/still am (there I go being vulnerable yikes!), you feel ashamed if you ask because you're admitting to being weak and having wants/needs/ and not being perfect, AND ashamed if you don't ask because all you see is that you're too weak to be vulnerable.  Haha... so sad.

Finally I had to learn this:

(Besides the fact that I, Ginny, just as I am, am good and important and my wants/needs matter)

1 - By keeping my wants/needs to myself, I was actually being controlling.  I wasn't giving the other party the opportunity to respond or react or choose to be compassionate or helpful or anything.  2 - My therapist pointed out:  If I ask for help, there's a chance I'll get what I want and a chance I won't.  But if I don't ask, it's always always always zero chance.  3 - We discussed in group that although we feel like "being strong" is being happy and perfect all the time, it takes an even stronger person to be real and vulnerable.

We are important!  We deserve good things.  We can ask for help, and we're even allowed to set the boundaries.  "Thanks for giving me this time to talk to you for 20 minutes, but it helps me to have your full attention.  Do you mind if we turn off the TV?"

Bottom line is this:  We can't depend on others to make us happy.  We get to learn to love ourselves first.  Enough to where we can ask for help without fear of rejection, because then the rejection, though it may hurt and that's okay, can't send us spiraling back into the ground.

Me?

Oh... well... It may be a while before I get this down... I'm still really bad at it.  But eventually we'll get there!  I'm finally inviting the Lord back into my life to actually help with my issues, letting Him know straight up that I'm not perfect and can't do it on my own, and guess what?  Progress is finally picking up pace.  :)

Thought of the day:

"You matter, you matter!  Make your needs fatter!"