#4 - Allow Me To Inconvenience You...

"I just... really... want that!"
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Hippo Challenge #4 (read the challenge here)

So I was meeting up with some friends for "institute" the other night.  Which is basically like a Sunday School during the weekday, or I guess like I large bible study.  I asked them to save me a seat and I'd come later, seein how I had some laundry to finish up.

I knew this would mean I'm the awkward person that opens the door which triggers a large wave of head turns, and I get to be center of attention for a brief awkward moment.  Yay.

So I finally arrive half way through the class, take a deep breath, and turn the handle.  It's not a noisy, phew!!  Now to push the door open.  I brace myself for a creek and... it's not just a creek.  It's a creek mixed with 'excited animal squeal.'  Lovely.  At first I push the door open slowly, (creeeeee - ) but finally say, "Oh whatever," embrace it, and just pull it open.  I walk inside.  Whoosh with the head turns!  Hi . . . hi everyone.  I'm sorry I distracted your learning.  Teacher, I'm sorry I distracted your students.  You all may all return to the learning now.  I'm searching searching searching where are my roommates not there not there... oh perfect they're in the back!  Thanks roommates.  :)  Buuuut, they're in the middle of the row.  There are about 4 backpacks and two purses and 7 people Ima have to climb over, and everyone's legs are real sprawled out.  There's no room for climbing.  Panic...

First, let me explain.  There was a time, which may have lasted most my life, when I would have NOT walked through that row of people.  I would have rather eaten worms than inconvenience a whole row of people and bring that type attention to myself- the type where I do something that benefits me, that fulfills my wants, my needs, and feels like burdening others.

In my moment of freak-out, I gestured to my roommates that I would find another seat somewhere else, somewhere easier.  They shook their head and gestured/mouthed "No come sit by us!"  I really really wanted to by them too.  Finally, in my mind I just said, 'Oh why not!'  At that moment, I made the decision not to care.  To let go of whatever I was worried about.  I leaned close, pointed down the isle and whispered to the row, "I'm just gonna sneak past you real quick."  Everyone immediately jumped up and in less than 2.8 seconds the way was clear for me, backpacks feet and all.  Whoa, cool.  I really was kinda stunned at how easy and simple and fast it happened, how quickly everyone moved.  And how unburdened they seemed!  Seriously that was way too easy.

I walked through the row, sat down, and was filled with this feeling of ... well, really big happiness!  Next to my friends, here to listen and learn about my creator, Savior, and friend, just where I wanted to be in the seat I wanted to sit in.

We're important.  We deserve good things.  We can get our needs met.  And we can be happy.  It's our decision.

One time in high school, my friend told me her college-age-older-brother was on a date with this one girl, and he didn't ask her out again.  Why?  One reason - she neglected to tell him that while they were dancing, his belt kept smacking her in the face and hurting her.  All night long.  And she never said anything.  She didn't want to bother him, or inconvenience him, by making her needs known, and he preferred dating a girl who felt important enough to say, "Hey dude, that hurts me.  Can you stop swooshing your belt around please?"  I remember dying a little inside, because I knew I was that girl.  And I feared I would never learn to be anything else.

Well guess what people?  I CAN be that girl who believes she's important, who can have what she wants, and I'm becoming that girl now!  It takes practice.  Lots of it.  I've changed quite a bit in the past 2 years.  Like a lot.  I still have looots more to do, and at this point, after seeing the changes already made, I'm excited for 2 more years down the road.  To those who feel hopeless as I once did... I can get better, I promise.  It really can.

Okay, I'm tired.  Good night y'all!

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